January 2, 2009

The New Oxford Dictionary

Fooled by words, what a pity...

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The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:-

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with one fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the noted of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Committee : Indivisuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing could be done together.

Office : A place where to relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time married man ever get to open their mouth.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes that he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Classic : A book people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Etc : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Atomic bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who tormente himselh during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : a person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from the Eifel Tower says in midway - "see, I am not injured yet".

Miser : A person who lives so poor so he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy who is not different from the rest, except that he got caught.

Boss : A guy who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before the elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kill your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

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